


peter p beats up PETA

by bring_me_sleep_or_bring_me_death



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Gen, Memes, chat fic, flash is gay but no homo, here's a headcanon to consider: spider man is afraid of spiders, hmmm, is that really not a tag yet, ok so im a big big idiot, peter's favorite hobby is falling off of tall buildings, sleeping officially Does Not Exist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 17:47:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17923478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bring_me_sleep_or_bring_me_death/pseuds/bring_me_sleep_or_bring_me_death
Summary: A Basic Chat Fic.Peter sets up an official spider-man discord and links it on his official spider-man twitter. or something.





	peter p beats up PETA

**Author's Note:**

> before i hear any complaints and people calling me an asshole or a bigot or whatever the h e c k like dude. PETA's done some fucked up shit.
> 
> Peter sets up an official spider-man discord, falls off a building, and stops a robbery all in about thirty minutes.

 

**The Official Spider-man Meme-eria**

 

**I’m Afraid of Spiders** Today 2:33 AM

Welcome to hell. I’ll be your tour guide.

 

**Flash** Today 2:33 AM

Mark me down for scared and horny

 

**I’m Afraid of Spiders** Today 2:34 AM

Bruh u good?

 

**i made this in ten seconds flat** Today 2:35

is this an official, real spiderman discord server

what the actual fuck

 

**I’m Afraid Of Spiders** Today 2:35

I know texting while falling is illegal but the police aren’t on this chat

 

**Flash** Today 2:36

Hot

 

**I’m Afraid Of Spiders** Today 2:37

B R U H

 

**mj** Today 2:37

flash is a thirsty hoe

 

**I’m Afraid Of Spiders** Today 2:39

shit something just blew up Gotta B L A S T

 

**mj** Today 2:39

I don’t care if you’re a superhero. I will kill you myself.

 

**Flash** Today 2:39

Mj no!!!

 

**mj** Today 2:40

Mj yes

 

\----

 

“Oh shit oh fuck,” Peter swore as he swung up to the fiery mess that was the front of the apparently incredibly explosive Signature Bank.

How the hell was he supposed to deal with the robbery? ...Well, he’d dealt with robberies before. Surely it couldn’t be that hard?

Ah fuck, it was that hard. The tips of Peter’s gloves were singed, and he had nearly swung head-first into a flaming fallen beam.

“...If I were falling into just.. a metric _ton_ of fire what would I do?” He landed on his feet, and immediately felt a wave of pain as the flames got higher and higher. “This is pretty lit.” He ducked as his spidey sense went off, and a spray of bullets embedded themselves into the wall behind him, just a hair above him. 

“Might I recommend activating Instant Kill Mode?”

“...Karen no,” Peter argued, taking on the tone of someone staring at their cat on a table from across the room and seeing them move closer to a glass full of water.

 

\----

 

_Peter Parkour has joined the group chat! Good Luck---_

 

**mj** Today 3:00

i think you spelled your name wrong peter

 

**Peter Parkour** Today 3:00

no mj im just very good at falling off tall buildings

oh hey is spiderman here??

 

**Flash** Today 3:01

You missed him asshat

 

**Peter Parkour** Today 3:02

why do you hate me so much lmao

 

**Flash** Today 3:02

Your general existence makes me vomit.

 

**Peter Parkour** Today 3:03

Love you too man.

**Author's Note:**

> gunpowder is just angry sand


End file.
